


the choice is ours and ours alone

by sign_from_god_complex



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Discussions of marriage, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Nonbinary Patton, Roman is an amazing boyfriend, Trans Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 04:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18422685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sign_from_god_complex/pseuds/sign_from_god_complex
Summary: "Was there a reason you felt it necessary to interrupt my sleep, Virgil, or was this simply a poorly timed social call?"There was a pause and a deep breath before Virgil continued. "Oh, uh, yeah. Pat and I were wondering if you guys wanted to come out and have lunch with us? We have something important to tell you."Or, Virgil and Patton have some news they need to share with their best friends and Logan worries about some things he truly shouldn’t be worried about.





	the choice is ours and ours alone

**Author's Note:**

> it's been like, two weeks since I've written something other than A Gift From Me To You so I'm happy I've finally got something else!!! I hope y'all like it.

Logan was woken up by the sound of his phone going off next to him, it's constant vibration on the bedside table forcing him into consciousness. Part of him wanted to let it ring through, however, Logan was sure that if the buzzing went on any longer it would wake up Roman, and then he would have to deal with his whining all morning and that truly wasn't worth it.

Cursing the fact that he was a light sleeper, Logan fumbled around for a moment with his eyes still closed before grabbing a hold of his phone and answering the call.

" _What?_ "

There was a chuckle from the other end of the line that Logan personally thought was far too smart for this early in the morning. He simply did not have the brainpower to figure out social rules right now.

"Good morning to you too, L," Virgil laughed, "You do know it's 11 am, right?"

Logan cringed inwardly. He had been going to finish grading some papers this morning, but he supposed he’d just have to work through the movie this evening instead. Roman would likely complain, but he'd make it up to him another time.

He was glad that the call was only Virgil though, as he didn't really have to worry about social niceties or accidentally saying the wrong thing. Virgil was his oldest and closest friend, he'd heard far worse from him than early-morning (or he supposed, late-morning) irritability.

His sleep-addled brain was slowly realising that this phone conversation was going to be longer than he'd hoped and so he quietly slipped out of bed to head to the kitchen. He was going to need some coffee.

"Well... we went to bed late last night," Logan mumbled, pulling the bedroom door shut behind him.

Logan let Virgil believe it whatever he wished about the nature of last night's activities—he was certainly not going to tell Virgil that their exhaustion was due to Mario Kart. When both halves of a couple were as competitive as the two of them were, a video game is never simply a video game, and Mario Kart was one of the worst.

They'd been tied for hours into the night, neither of them willing to concede to the other until  _finally_ Logan pulled ahead and claimed his rightful place as the best Mario Kart player of the household. Roman was going to be sulking about it for weeks.

Virgil laughed. "Oh yeah? Prince Pompous still sleeping then?"

Logan swept around the kitchen counter and pulled out the coffee, humming a confirmation.

"He's so cute when he's asleep," he quipped, "It's a guarantee I'm actually going to have some peace and quiet for a moment or two."

"Eh, you love him really," Virgil replied and Logan could  _hear_ his smirk through the phone.

"Mmm, so he keeps telling me."

He measured the coffee into the French press before filling it with water and waiting for it to brew.

The French press had been a housewarming present from Roman's friend Remy. Both Roman and Logan were very fussy about their coffees, a fact Remy knew well considering he’d been their regular barista for several years. Roman didn't use the French press very often—Logan was generally up far before his boyfriend, plus he preferred to get coffee from the place down the road when he had the time—but Logan made good use out of it.

"Was there a reason you felt it necessary to interrupt my sleep, Virgil, or was this simply a poorly timed social call?"

There was a pause and a deep breath before Virgil continued. "Oh, uh, yeah. Pat and I were wondering if you guys wanted to come out and have lunch with us? We have something important to tell you."

Logan frowned. Virgil generally avoided making vague statements, since he knew first-hand how much anxiety it can cause, so this was truly odd. He grabbed out another mug for Roman—it seemed he was going to have to get up sooner rather than later.

“That would be acceptable, Virgil. Same place as usual?”

Logan poured the coffee into the mugs—milk and sugar, along with whipped cream and caramel drizzle for Roman and cinnamon for himself—hearing Virgil breath a sigh of relief.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, sounds good,” he said, “How long you gonna need to get Roman out of bed?”

Logan huffed a laugh. “We’ll be there in half an hour.”

“...So, 45 minutes?”

“Yes.”

* * *

 

Logan pushed his way into the busy cafe, dragging Roman by the arm behind him.

His boyfriend had understandably not been very pleased with being woken up on their day off, but the coffee Logan had placed on the bedside table had enticed him into some degree of alertness. Once Logan had explained Virgil’s call and their scheduled lunch date he had ceased his grumbling—he never could be mad at those two, even if they had disrupted his lazy morning in.

Of course, Roman had managed to take even longer than expected to get ready. Even after 2 years of living with Roman Logan could not predict his behaviour to any useful degree. Some days Roman was ready in 20 minutes, some days it took hours; Logan almost felt as if he was doing it on purpose to frustrate him (and knowing Roman, that was not such an outlandish idea).

“Woah!  _Woah_ , specs,” Roman said, stumbling his way around one of the tables, “Slow down! What’s the rush?”

Logan paused and glanced towards the back of the room, catching a glimpse of Patton and Virgil seated at their regular table. Their backs were to the door and they looked deep in conversation, so they likely weren’t yet aware of Roman and Logan’s arrival.

“We are already late, Roman, thanks to your obsessive hair styling and 30 different outfit choices. I am merely trying to avoid us wasting any more time.”

Logan wasn’t going to admit just how worth it that extra time had been. Roman looked gorgeous, almost ethereal, in the dark red dress he had picked out—outfit number 14, if Logan remembered correctly. He had almost considered cancelling on Virgil so the two of them could stay in and make out for a few hours, however, the anxiety he felt over Virgil’s announcement had prevented him from doing so.

Roman rolled his eyes and pulled his hand out of Logan’s grip, forcing Logan to turn to look at him. “It’s Virgil and Patton. We’re late to see them all the time! What are you so worried about?”

Roman’s ability to see through Logan almost completely was often appreciated—it meant he usually didn’t have to admit to not feeling 100%, Roman could just tell—but it was often annoying too. Hiding surprise gifts or events was virtually impossible, and hiding emotions was even worse.

The two of them were both equally as likely to try and play off any bad feelings as tiredness, but they were also both highly aware of the other’s capacity for deception. For Roman, picking up on Logan’s lies seemed almost natural, and Logan wished it was the same for himself. He was aware that he wasn’t the most observant person; when it came to Roman’s mental health and wellbeing, however, he was certainly willing to make an effort.

Logan clung to the wall, trying to stay out of the way of any passing employees.

“...Virgil told me there was something the two of them wished to discuss with us. He sounded quite serious and he didn’t give any more information than that which is extremely out of character and-” Logan realised he was rambling and cut himself off with a sigh. “I suppose I am just concerned is all.”

Roman seemed to consider this for a moment, before pulling Logan close and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Logan fought back the blush that rose up at the action as he wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist.

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about, love. There’s no need to jump to conclusions,” Roman mumbled into his hair.

Logan couldn’t tell whether Roman was being sincere or whether he was equally as worried now that he had been made aware of the circumstances for this meeting, but he accepted the comfort regardless, savouring the contact for a moment before pulling away. As much as he wished he could remain in Roman’s arms forever, they were still in public, and they still had places to be.

“Yes, of course.” He offered a small smile. “Now, let’s not leave our friends waiting any longer.”

The two of them made their way over to the table—side by side this time—before dropping into their usual seats across from Virgil and Patton. The conversation cut off mid-sentence as the two turned to greet them.

“Logan! Roman! Hi!” Patton’s eyes lit up almost instantly, making Logan relax even further.

Patton didn’t  _look_ worried, but then, it was often very difficult to tell—even Roman had admitted to having trouble puzzling out Patton’s emotions. The only one who really seemed to know was Virgil, so he supposed it was fortunate that the two of them were romantically involved.

Roman beamed across the table. “Greetings, Patton!”

“Salutations.”

Logan watched Roman shift in his seat slightly, turning his gaze to Virgil.

“And how are  _you_ faring this afternoon, my dark and stormy knight?” The question seemed innocent, but Logan knew it was Roman’s way of testing the waters on Logan’s behalf, helping them both judge the nature of this announcement.

Virgil gave Roman a curious look for a half-second before it faded into general amusement.

“‘m fine.” He took a sip of his coffee, Patton and Virgil clearly having already grabbed one whilst they were waiting on their friends’ arrival. “…How’re you?”

Roman raised his eyebrows. “Good! Good…”

There was a moment of silence across the table that Patton seemed entirely oblivious to, tracing lines in the condensation on the outside of their mug. Virgil narrowed his eyes at the two of them, confused as to the sudden tension.

“Logan informed me you had something important to tell us?” Roman said, clearly tense.

A look of understanding crossed Virgil’s face and he chuckled. “Lo, it isn’t anything bad! I thought it was  _my_ job to worry in this friend group.”

Logan exhaled, glad to have confirmation that all was well. The idea of any one of his close friends being in anything less than an ideal situation was upsetting, to say the least. He wasn’t particularly known for his emotional reactions, but he did truly value his friends, even if it didn’t always seem that way.

“My apologies,” he said, adjusting his glasses, “I am aware I should not have… jumped to conclusions.”

He bumped his shoulder into Roman’s subtly and felt Roman push back, confirming he had received the message—a thank you and an acknowledgement that he had indeed been correct tied into one.

“Nah, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have deviated from our norm without giving you an explanation—I know that throws you off. But really though, it’s not  _bad_. It’s… um…” Virgil smiled down at the table for a moment before glancing over at Patton. “Pat, you wanna-”

Patton threw their hands out in front of them, barely missing their coffee mug with the gesture. “We’re engaged!”

Engaged.

Logan let that information sink in for a moment, aware that Roman was offering his lavish congratulations but finding himself unable to do the same.

It wasn’t as if he wasn’t happy for them. He was! It was excellent that Virgil had someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, especially after all the years of passionate self-hatred and despair Logan had been witness to.

Logan loved Virgil, and he loved Patton, and he was so pleased that they had found each other.

It was just…

“L, you good over there?”

Virgil’s question cut through Logan’s thoughts and he threw his head up to look at him. Virgil seemed anxious, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, and Logan immediately felt guilty for causing him distress. He didn’t want it to ever appear like he didn’t approve of their marriage, that wasn’t the case in the slightest.

“Yes, Virgil, I am fine. Congratulations, you two.” The smile he gave them was sincere, but he knew they could all tell it hid a lot behind it, even if they couldn’t tell exactly what.

Roman grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it and Logan could feel that squeeze mirrored around his heart, causing him to swallow and try to keep his expression as neutral as possible. He squeezed back because that is what he was expected to do, but it was weak. After a beat, Roman let go and began mindlessly tracing patterns on the palm of Logan’s hand, trying to distract him from his thoughts.

Logan softened instantly at the way his boyfriend always seemed to know what to do to comfort him. Gods, Logan did love him. But… was that enough?

“So, tell us the story!” Roman exclaimed, aware he was losing Logan to his worries again, “Which one of you was it?”

The rest of the lunch went by without much incident, barring Patton finally knocking their drink over with their gestures, narrowly avoiding getting hot chocolate on their new skirt.

The two of them had explained that Virgil had been the one to propose. He’d supposedly had a whole day planned out with a picnic and taking Patton to a dog park and everything, but had instead ended up proposing in the early morning, Patton looking “so soft and beautiful” lying next to him that the words had just tumbled out. Logan had commented with a smirk that proposing accidentally was incredibly in character for him and he’d noticed Virgil relax a little bit, laughing at the friendly jab.

They hadn’t planned a date or anything for the wedding yet, considering they’d only been engaged for about a day, but Patton said they were leaning more towards the spring or summer so they could have it outside. They were also, of course, both expected to be the best men—Logan Virgil’s and Roman Patton’s—something they had gratefully accepted.

Roman seemed quite enamoured with the whole idea, theorising on wedding gifts and whether or not he would be permitted to wear a bridesmaid’s dress instead of a suit for the entire drive home. Logan had remained mostly silent, letting Roman’s excited rambling wash over him as he tried his best to remain calm—he didn’t want to get into an accident because he was distracted by other thoughts.

Once they arrived home Logan had planned to head upstairs—possibly try to get some marking done before tonight—but it seemed Roman didn’t agree with that idea.

He grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, spinning him around and pushing him onto the couch before throwing himself down beside him. “Alright, Lo, spill. What’s up?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Logan lied. He attempted to push himself up off the couch but almost immediately found himself with a lap full of Roman, making it virtually impossible.

It wasn’t very often that Logan lamented the fact that his boyfriend was so much taller and stronger than he was. Even if he’d never admit it out loud, he rather liked being tucked under Roman’s chin or into his chest—it made him feel safe. However, the one thing he did not appreciate about it was Roman’s ability to keep Logan in place so easily (well, he wouldn’t lie, there were benefits to that too, but now was not the time to be thinking about them).

Roman lowered his face to hover right in front of his, so close that Logan could feel the air of each breath. “ _Please_ talk to me, Lo.”

And Logan couldn’t deny him that.

Instead, though, of taking any time to think through the way he wanted to approach this, Logan simply blurted out the first thing that popped into his mind.

“ _I don’t want to marry you._ ”

Logan regretted the words almost as soon as they came out of his mouth. Clenching his jaw and breathing in slowly, he glanced up to look at his boyfriend. Roman was very still, his brow furrowed, confusion and hurt warring for precedence on his face and Logan internally cursed his poor impulse control.

“Okay…” Roman spoke slowly, waiting for him to continue.

Logan screwed his eyes shut for a moment in an attempt to get his bearings. He was finding it difficult to think with the way Roman’s body was pressed against him, so hot and close, causing his skin to prickle and his hands to tap against his chest.

Through his thoughts, he heard a quiet, “Am I closing you in too much? I can move now if that would make you more comfortable.”

At his nod, Roman pulled himself off of Logan and settled in next to him again, waiting patiently as he tried to find the words to articulate his thoughts.

“Patton and Virgil got together a few months before we did,” Logan began, “It will be their 3 year anniversary in a few weeks. In a few months, it will be  _our_  3 year anniversary. We have both been in a relationship for approximately the same amount of time and they are getting married and I don’t think I’m ready for that yet but I do love you and I want to make you happy so if you want to-”

Roman pushed his lips to Logan’s, cutting off his anxious babbling. Gentle hands cupped Logan’s face and he pressed in even closer, craving the comfort and warmth his boyfriend was providing him. He didn’t realise he had begun to cry until Roman drew away, wiping away his tears with his thumb. He inhaled shakily.

“Oh, Logan, sweetheart. You do not have to do  _anything_ you aren’t ready for.” Roman gazed at Logan lovingly, tracing patterns on his skin again. “Quite honestly, I doubt I’m ready for marriage either. Each relationship is different and you shouldn’t judge our progress by anyone else but us, okay?”

Logan cast his gaze down to Roman’s hand against his, watching mesmerised by the repetitive motions. “If… you’re certain. I just want to ensure that you’re happy. I know that I can be-”

“You’re perfect,” Roman interrupted calmly, grabbing both of Logan’s hands in his and squeezing them tight for a moment before releasing them, “And I  _am_ happy, Lo. I promise.”

After only a moments hesitation, Logan shifted himself onto Roman’s lap, curling up and resting his head against Roman’s chest. The warmth didn’t seem quite as overwhelming now that his thoughts had settled slightly.

“Alright... I love you.”

Roman stroked Logan’s hair, a soft smile gracing his face.

“I love you too,” he whispered.

In 7 months, Roman and Logan would arrive at their best friends’ wedding, standing beside them as they proclaimed their love and committed themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. The wedding would be soft but comfortable, taking place in the garden of their house that Patton so carefully tended to. Roman and Logan would both make speeches that made both Virgil and Patton cry. They would go home happy.

In 9 months, on his day off, Logan would make a trip into town and return with a small box in his pocket, something he was finally sure of. It would sit in the bottom of his closet, hidden in an old suitcase, and every time Roman laughed or teased him or fought with him over something silly—them both immediately running back, blurting out apologies and kissing through tears—he would become a little bit more sure of his decision.

In 10 months, Logan would take Roman stargazing on the hill where they met—Logan looking for a quiet place to study outside of his dorm and Roman looking for a place to practise his lines. He would make a speech during which  _neither_ of them cried _at all_. He would tell Roman of all the ways he had changed his life, would tell him how he could only hope that Roman would give him the chance to continue to experience his joy and warmth for the rest of his life.

In 10 months, Roman would say yes.

In 10 months, Logan would call up their best friends and vaguely invite them out for lunch, telling them they had something important to tell them. Virgil would laugh at him once he’d revealed the surprise and accuse him of being petty. Logan wouldn’t deny it.

In just under a year and a half, Logan and Roman would be married. Roman would be wearing a wedding dress because he would insist and Logan wouldn’t be able to deny him, and when he would finally see Roman walking up the aisle he would be glad he hadn’t.

Yes, in just under a year and a half, Logan and Roman would be married.

But for now, they weren’t.

And that was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on tumblr!! ~ [sign-from-god-complex](https://sign-from-god-complex.tumblr.com) ~


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